A Legend of the Fall

You never know it's going to happen, it just does. You're never expecting the few seconds of horror that pairs with that moment of pure panic occasionally followed by a flash of red that can only be associated with pain. It's happened to us all, or at least we've seen in happen to someone right in front of us. And if it hasn't happened to you yet, make no mistake, it will. You can't avoid it. It's inevitable and in some situations the best thing that could happen. Let me explain...

THE INEVITABLE

The moment your feet leave the ground is like any other, whether it's a warm-up or an onsight attempt of your latest project. Your feet and hands could be moving fluidly, your mind may be focused and clear, but then something goes wrong. Perhaps the lactic acid begins to creep it's way into the capillaries of your forearms. Or maybe a hold gives way without warning. Or just maybe you're a boss throwing down on a V12 that climaxes at a horizontal low percentage deadpoint to a slopey volcanoesque hueco.

No matter what the cause, the inevitable happens. You fall.......hard. This of course looks a little something like this...

THE AFTERMATH

Your eyes open only to see a crowd of scantily dressed chalky climbers. Half of them are smiling for some reason and the other half have a grimace that only solidifies their personal choice not to try the same problem. One brave patron eventually musters up the gaul to ask, "You alright dude?" Your immediate reaction is not to move slow and make sure that all Tab A's are still connected to the appropriate Slot B's, instead you jump up saying the obligatory, "I'm ok!" and immediately start chalking up looking for the nearest stick brush lying around. As you stand up, holding the stick brush as if your name was Gandalf, you don't pay attention to the creaks associated with the jammed shoulder that occurred on impact. The crash landing that caused your elbow to hit the floor shifting your shoulder 4 inches further than the norm, hitting you in the head above your ear. With a quick brushing and a 30 second stare down of the problem, you go straight into send mode. This rush of adrenaline from a quick trip to the deck seems to have you more focused than ever.

THE OUTCOME

Everything else seems to disappear as you go through your normal routine of rubbing your hands together three times in a sidewards slapping motion. You blow the remainder of white powder off your tips, slap your thigh and hear the scratch of nails on the concrete as you curl your pads over the two crimp starting holds. One audible breath out and you're on:

Drop your knee and flag; your body feels perfectly balanced even though in some deep cavern of your mind some pain receptor is screaming at you because you tweaked a tendon. Keep the tension as you hit the first left hand gaston and focus everything on that left toe keeping you from the barndoor swing that's blown you off of the first move dozens of times before. Your right foot seems to find the minuscule nub as if some magnetic force pulled your toe onto the perfect spot. As your brain focuses on getting your right hand as high above the huge sloper looming 18 inches above, your muscle memory kicks in, turns your toe slightly in and drops the knee 3 degrees, somehow knowing that this is what it takes to not blow that toe. With a loud thud and a puff of chalk your right hand sticks the large Nicros brain and feels solid. This is the first time you haven't had to readjust to find that slight indent close to the wall that half of your pad can gain a little more on. Your knee readjusts back in the other direction 3 degrees as your left foot flags like the pendulum of an old grandfather clock frozen in time. Effortlessly, your left hand joins your right and your brain flashes to "the fall." A momentary lapse of focus courses through your brain as the throbbing spot above your ear reminds you that it was only moments ago.

A shake of the head and you snap back to the moment, relax and straighten your arms only as much as gravity will allow. With another audible breath your eyes drift down as your left foot gently finds the crimp start hold and digs in. A perfect blend of momentum and balance starts your journey to the end. You feel your left foot come off the crimp, your right hand off that slight imperfection on the sloper and suddenly you have tunnel vision towards the finish. Don't forget when you stick your right hand your remaining foot is going to cut and your left hand needs to slide to the right to make use of that imperfection. Your right hand is inches away and the sudden feeling of weightlessness as your right toe becomes insignificant. FOCUS!! Your hand is there and it knows what to do, now look back. You watch your left hand slide into place and you know that any second now you'll have to summon all of your strength to hold this. You tense up as you feel both feet drift to the right of your center. As this is happening you watch as your left hand grips tight, and then tighter, and then snaps into the shape of a fist as it blows off of the hold. It's happening again, quick do something! You know if your foot so much as grazes the wall, it will shift your momentum out immediately causing your right hand to pop. Your feet drift further to the right and you scream, not because there is pain, not because you're angry that your hand didn't follow the plan, but because the willpower to hold a one handed campus on a slick hueco as your body flails is going to take all you can muster. You're body remembers the exact moment that your right hand slipped out sending you hurling towards the ground. That moment passes as your legs have reached their apex. You're left hand is still reaching for that sloper knowing that at any moment, gravity will play its part and shift your momentum. All you have to do is hold on. The scream continues...

In a flash your left hand is back on the sloper, no time to be surprised, your foot finds the wall instinctually to keep you from looking like a vertical pancake. Your body settles into place and for an instant your shoulder reminds you of your epic impact moments ago. You keep your composure and find that left foot and let out a shout. In your mind this shout is a combination of relief, pain, joy, and an element of surprise. To the crowd, that seconds ago was secretly hoping that they would see some air time, it is a cry of triumph. You could've called it a day when you scraped yourself off the mat. You could've gathered the small amount of pride necessary, using one of a million climber excuses, but it was the fall that drove you. The fall that kept your senses on point and focused. The fall that reminded you of where you need a little bit more. In a way, the fall is what makes you that much better.

Be Gentle It's My First Time...

We all remember our first time, the awkwardness, the pain, and the confusion.  Thoughts of; am I doing this right, is my partner gonna laugh at me, why has it ended so soon.  My first time was awful, I used all these grunts and power when some delicate finesse would have sufficed.  I'm sure through the looking glass of memory it has only gotten worse, but I am certain I was sweating like a fat guy in a leather recliner while breathing as heavy as a horse.  Obviously, I'm not talking about my "first time" nor am I talking about my first time climbing, but instead this post is about the first time I knew I was a climber.

While trying to start homework tonight, I followed my usual protocol of deadpoint, twitter and facebook.  During my facebook stalking I discovered a climbing video.  Now this is nothing unusual on facebook, with most of my friends being climbers and usually posting video/blogs etc.  What made this different was the video itself.  This video was pre-digital photography, pre-windows movie maker, final cut, and cell phone video cameras.  This video is 9 years old and shot by my friend Chris.  It is a full length bouldering video made using Clemson University's liberal lending policy on media equipment.  It stars my first group of climbing friends, myself and A.J.  Check it out here: Rumbling Bald

After the hilarity and the wonderful memories of friends and good times this video brought back, I began to think about my early days in climbing.  I climbed v3/5.11a for a better part of my first three years and could never seem to overcome that grade.  I switched between ropes and bouldering without regards to a preference.  Basically, this is an old man sitting back in his chair telling his grandkids about the good old days when I used to "climb for fun."  Truthfully, it was the innocence of my climbing youth, I lived just to climb and I didn't care how hard, how tall or how new the climbs were, I just wanted to climb because it gave me that funny feeling in my tummy.  Shortly after sending my first v5 I moved to California to participate in AmeriCorps, while there I stopped climbing for a full year.  The Corps ended and I moved back East.  I settled into my old climbing life, the only thing that changed was my climbing partner had jumped five grades in my absence.  I set it in my mind that I had to catch him, I took the plunge from hanging at the gym, to training at the gym, from climbing for fun to climbing for the numbers.  My former plateau of v3 took a week to over come, then v5 a day, within six months I had gone from not climbing to climbing v8.  That was when my climbing youth died.  To William Blake I entered into the age of Experience.

I have been training for harder and harder sends every fall since then.  August starts and I draw up a training scheme.  Week nights I tear muscles over and over again looking to stretch and tear them again the next night.  I turn away from friends having fun at the gym and I turn down dates to do pull up workouts.  On the weekends I let my frustrations and aggression explode onto boulder problems, because I have gentrified myself into only bouldering during the winter/fall/spring, "ropes are for the summer."  Climbing has evolved from the fun past time of chilling with friends in the woods, to the passionate dysfunctional embrace of loving a thing that can't love me back.

This video has me wondering, when did I become a climber?  Was it during my innocence or my experience?  I look back to that day when I first started adding pull up workouts to my climbing, I try to look back to the one day before, to the day before that and decide, when did I first feel like a climber?  When did I know that no other word would describe me?  I cannot remember that day occurring before the training precipice was crossed.  I was back to climbing after a full year off and knew I was never leaving it again.  The moment came while sitting on top of a boulder at Rumbling Bald, in western North Carolina.  I had just sent a problem called Shao Lin, it was my first v7.  I was looking towards the sun setting behind the purple mountains of the Appalachians, the leaves were all gone, but there were still some red's and orange's on the ground.  I was breathing hard, sweating, my hands were on fire, but I had done it.  I had climbed one grade harder.  For better or worse my climber identity was born from pushing myself to the next level.

Dark Horse - Part One (Foreplay on Film)

The week leading up to Dark Horse was like any other, setting, setting, more setting, tweaking, setting...but oh wait...FILMING?! We threw in another little monkey wrench to our well lubed machine. We wanted to produce a short promo video for every day leading up to the Dark Horse! That's five awesome videos...we made two. However, it wasn't for a lack of trying, it was a huge learning experience for me on both the creative and production side of Less Than Sponsored. I was up until 1:30a on the first two mornings to make sure the videos got out daily. You throw in 10 hour days of setting, forerunning, and taking care of logistics for the biggest comp we've ever put on and you quickly realize how difficult that goal truly is. Our eyes were bigger than our stomachs as they say, and our plates were stacked full of delicious goodies. The two videos that we released I thought were great! However time reared it's ugly head, spit in my eyes, and slapped reality back into my brain. We needed more time...time that we did not have. So the first two videos were released and we all got back to focusing on making the Dark Horse Championship what it eventually became, the best comp we've held hands down!

None the less, here are the two videos that were produced in the week leading up to the DH Championship:

This first one named "Shocking" I had mapped out in my head for about a month (something I should've done for the others). The idea came to be when Dave Wetmore pointed out that shuffling your feet around like a mad man on the gym floors can produce enough static charge to jump start a Chevy. The build up is ridiculous, I know, but it all came together with Dave's amazing faces and the static shock (real by the way) that makes me chuckle. The Danger Nate mini-series at the end was an idea that I had that paired along nicely with both videos. It took a bit to convince him to douse himself with freezing cold water while half-naked on film. When I pulled the kid's large Star Wars swim trunks out of the Target bag, Nate's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. He was "all in" and magic was made...in the shower...half naked...

The second, "Nightmare," was exciting for me. I loved the idea of having a horror-filmesque feel to the video. The challenge was to tie it into the Dark Horse which we barely did. Looking back, I wish that we had done a little bit more, but Tuesday was crunch day for setting and tweaking finals so what you see is what you get. We all loved the idea of having it be a joke and Nate getting "punished" at the end. I did have footage of VZ and Boof torturing the gorilla after trying to scare them but I thought it was a bit over the top so I left it out and went a little less Pulp Fiction for the masses.

I do apologize for the absence of the remaining three videos. I may have been more excited about making these videos than I was about setting for the Dark Horse so believe me when I say that it was a heartbreaking decision for me. Hindsight does allow for better decisions in the future however, and next year the idea is to make the videos ahead of time and release them one a day on the week before. Wait...what? That actually makes sense!!!! Hey, nobody ever said we were the smartest crew in the world.

Climbing Friends...

On Super Bowl Sunday I was laying on the floor of my bathroom in the fetal position.  I had just thrown up for the fourth time that day.  To say I was having and introspective moment would be a lie, I was simply praying for a swift death.  I did my mini walk of shame past my functioning friends who were laughing and having a great Sunday afternoon only to crawl back into bed.  A few hours of awful sleep passed and I was woken up by one of my best friends, Stephen and his wonderful girlfriend.  They were heading home and were giving me a hug good-bye.  I mumbled some form of apology, received their hug and flung myself horizontal for fear of the world tilting the wrong way.  "Don't worry we've left him like this before, this is nothing new," said Stephen about my condition.  I drifted back to sleep and they flew back home to Portland.  I woke a few more hours later and let my mind flash back to a few similar moments of extreme hungoverness:

The time I threw up in the van in Maryland following ABS nationals.  The time I threw up blood after the February Fallout in Atlanta (we had used a shopping cart for our liquor needs that night!).  My inability to move from my bed following the Jello Shots bouldering competition in college.  I had a good laugh at all of my misfortunes from drinking and then thought about the uniting factor, they were all with my best friends who are also climbers.  Which led me to the most important math equation of all time: climbing friends = the best friends.

For the last eleven years I have dedicated most weekends to climbing projects, climbing road trips, and climbing competitions.  All of these have been with my climbing friends and all of these weekends have ended in so many memorable moments that I can barely remember half of them.  I have been with climbing friends on Christmas day in the middle of the Texas desert as we battled boulder problems.  I have been with climbing friends in a crowded gym on a beautiful Saturday because we are fierce competitors.  I have been with climbing friends on a Tuesday night salivating over the recent release from Sender or Big Up.  Climbing has ended jobs, relationships, old friendships and the structural intergrity of my shoulders and wrists, but it has given me my best friends.  Why are climbers such good friends?

We understand the obsession.  How many times in our lives have we walked into a party had a co-worker say something to the affect of "I hear you are a rock climber."  Which then translates into you explaining climbing for the next five minutes all while they continually refer to the "dangers of mountain climbing."  Climbers understand, they get it.  They know that it is not about the numbers but are excited when their friends sends a grade higher.  They know that the weekend was designed for projects and that it is okay to spend more money on gear than dinner.  All climbers no matter the age, level or profession would all rather be climbing.

Climbing friends share a unique bond in that we have all tasted a small sliver of deaths cold desert.  Some of us have had very serious injuries from climbing, others are lucky and have taken nasty whips or falls and laughed off the minor scrapes.  Either the serious or the routine, a fall in climbing triggers something in the back of our brain that mentally prepares us for the end.  Most times we are not aware of it and most big falls result in a few choice words directed at a spotter or belayer.  However, our subconscious understands and holds on tight to the joy that is life.  This knowledge separates climbers because we now know that death is a mere nano second of wrong decisions away.  To me, this makes climbers better friends because we understand how precious life is, we fully understand the joy of one life to live.

Because of the ability to know death and embrace an obsession climbing friends have an energy that carries them through all parts of life.  Parties thrown by climbers always seem to be louder and more boisterous.  Plus they usually end up in some form of shirtless feat of strength contest.  My climbing friends carry their energy into other passions as well from painting to woodworking to writing.  They know how to throw themselves into everything they do.  This vitality also leads to a state of mind for most climbers.  Check a climbers lunch box and it is nine times out of ten filled with some form of organic food.  My climber friends sign up for trail clean ups and donate heavily to access fund, world wildlife fund and the nature conservancy.  They contribute in because they know first hand how precious the earth is to all of us.

We as climbers overcome challenges for fun, we celebrate other's accomplishments and we are there when they fail.  We live in a microcosm of the larger world every time we step onto a climb.  We understand that pushing yourself is important while accepting your own abilities is just as necessary.  We strive for more while appreciating what we have.  In life I am friend first and a climber second, but my climbing friends allow me that opportunity to combine the two and be who I truly am.

With a Bang

My hangover status has finally dropped from brain scrambling to moderately manageable. I sit in a coffee shop ingesting my first bites of the day. My body greets the sandwich like a wolf greets a deer’s throat. It’s only moments until the sandwich becomes all but a memory. I sip my icecoffee, dehydrating myself to a shriveled resemblance of what once was a man. Definitely brought this past year to a close with a bang. Thankfully, with the culmination of 2011 comes an end to the mutilation I put my body through. It is now time to press the pedal to the floor. VRROOOOM.

I am currently writing a piece discussing the perpetual failure I encounter with the implementation of regimented training routines. What better way to lead into it then by discussing my newest plan to beast up a little bit. My current training routine involves climbing when i feel like it. Yes, a fool proof plan, but there certainly must be a better way to improve my climbing skills. I will never commit to any fitness plans without having it in writing. Here’s what I have concocted for myself.

If you are having trouble deciphering my beautiful plan of action here is a synopsis. First and foremost, four days a week climbing (one day bouldering hard, one working on power endurance and finger strength, one working on endurance, and one working on hard lead climbs). There will also be 2 days a week of Yoga, 3 days a week of running, and two days a week of lifting and conditioning. A major focus of this plan will be combating two of my greatest weaknesses; inflexibility and weight.

On top of this plan I am also creating some rules for the new year that will complement the training routine. The list is ever growing but here it is thus far

1. No alcohol on weekdays and only once on weekends
2. No sleeping past nine on weekdays
3. Breakfast and protein shake every morning
4. one coffee a day
5. three nalgenes of water per day
6. Big salad or healthy wrap for lunch every day
7. NO NANAS PIZZA!
8. No cheese
9. no food after 10 pm on weeknights
10. Downsize dinner

So there we are. Hopefully I stay healthy and I can send 5.13 by 2013 and get some V8’s under my belt. SHABANG!

BooF

Top 5 Pick Up Lines/Strategies for the Climbing Gym

Lets be honest, the climbing gym is a place full of attractive folks. You could let this intimidate you (so…many…abs) or you could roll with it. If you choose the latter, this blog post is for you! A handy guide to the best and most effective pick up strategies at the gym.

1. "Can you spot me?"

Translation: can you stop what you're doing and look at my backside right now? This is especially effective when you're getting on a climb that you know you can send easily.

2. "Nice beta on that move, I'm going to try it!"

Translation: I really enjoy watching your muscles while you climb, but I need an excuse to be staring so intently. Alright got it, I can pretend like I am studying your beta. Yeah, thats it.

3. The pen pal strategy

This one has a few steps, but putting in the time up front can pay dividends later. First: set a route or boulder problem. Next: name the problem with a targeted pick up line for your person of interest. Last: hope that they see it and respond favorably. You may laugh, but this method has a proven track record. You know who you are.

4. Take off your shirt

There aren't many places in Boston where you can get away with taking off your shirt in public. At the gym, its totally normal to be like "oh wow I am soooo hot from all this climbing, oops there goes my shirt LOL". This is to be used as the checkmate move at the end of the night.

*Alternate beta. If you've spent the winter feasting on post climbing burritos and beers, you might not be quite ready to show off the goods under the hood. Fortunately, there is another strategy. Just wear zip-off pants and sensually turn them into shorts. Oh yeahhhhh look at my awesome calves. Be sure to make a scene of the unzipping.

5. Post climbing ab workout.

Ending a climbing session with an ab workout can be great from a fitness perspective, and even greater as a pickup strategy. Here's your chance to impress your special someone by proving that you can do more inverted twisted crunches than they can. You could say that ab workouts aren't always competitive, but you would be wrong.

Well, that's about all the advice I have for today. Best of luck out there, ladies and gentlemen and remember: The couple that belays together stays together.