My favorite aspect of climbing is the amazing pants by Prana that women seem to favor wearing. MMMHMMM!!! Prana, I thank you. However, another aspect of climbing that I have come to adore is the art of route setting. When climbing outdoors you have set parameters. The holds are already there and you have to unlock the predestined sequence(s). However, when climbing on artificial terrain the powers of nature that created the outdoor climbs we all adore are eliminated and replaced with human creativity (another brilliant force of nature).
While I dabbled in setting in the past I never really started until January of 2006 when Bill Schifone added me to Metrorock’s infamous route setter list. My skills, as a setter and climber, were limited then. It didn’t matter though, I thought I was awesome (FAR from the truth). Back then I would spend hours laboring over a single problem that if I climbed today I would jump off of and say “what a CHOSS pile, who set that, a drunk one armed monkey!?!” Alex Enright recently told me whenever he and Mike Majerczyk (a former Metrorock employee) climbed a route they disliked with no placard on it they would say to one another “may as well put BooF on the card.”
With each new climb my ability to set evolved and grew. I was now visualizing the moves rather than tinkering with every single one. I used to struggle with setters block and immediately fill with angst and anger. Now, when I get stumped, I walk away from that move and come back to it with a fresh new outlook. I began setting multiple climbs at once, bouncing back and forth between them in sprees of my own setter attention deficit. When I am trying to force a move and it doesn’t work, I take the climb in a new direction, abandoning the sinking ship I found myself in. The past 5 years have seen my technique greatly improve, aiding in my resistance to the allure of setting dynamic, reachy, power climbs every single time (and now instead put them up every other time, HA). Slopers are still my favorite though. Probably has something to do with that whole Prana pants thing. Hug those curves like a Porsche.
In the beginning I was excited to set so I could put up climbs that I would enjoy. As I set more and more I came to really enjoy the gratification of setting climbs for others. I began eavesdropping on people who finished my climbs, were on my climbs, or were even near my climbs, hoping to learn what they liked or loathed about my latest plastic pathway. Having someone tell me how much they enjoyed a particular climb of mine fills me with immense gratification. A lot goes into putting climbs up and it’s nice to have peoples appreciation verbalized.
Back at the onset, I could not take criticism. If someone had a problem with one of my climbs I would grumble to myself about it. Now I actually enjoy hearing people bemoan my climbs. Everyone has an opinion and climbers (especially those who do not set on a regular basis) LOVE to grumble about how “this climb is sandbagged, I Always onsite 5.10d” or “that climb can’t be a V3, I don’t climb that hard.” I used to loath putting a grade on my climbs, fearful of the slings and arrows to be slung in my direction if my grade was not accepted by the masses. Over time my skin hardened and I begun slinging my own arrows back as the quips and remarks bounced off me like pebbles on armor.
I came to realize how subjective climbing grades really are. There are so many different strengths and styles of climbing that it’s impossible for grading to ever be anything more than an educated guess by the powers that be. The best thing a setter can do is choose their grade and stick to their guns. If someone calls you a sandbagger tell them to stop sneaking late night Frosties and Nugs off the dollar menu. If someone tells you your grades are soft, tell them to they should lay off the steroid shakes and the Shake Weights. Climbing is all about having fun anyway. DAMN THE NUMBERS (even though we are all guilty of chasing them)
I have come to enjoy the aesthetic allures of route setting. I believe setting to be an art form. Many of my fellow setters even refer to a blank wall as a blank canvas (something we crave daily). Setting a rock climb is the choreography to a sultry salsa dance with the wall, or the notes to a rockin power ballad composed of plastic grips, or even the outline of an epic tale of misadventure for those who dare to climb your creation.
For me setting is about creating a series of movement that is exciting, makes you think, and makes you smile. Its about that sequence that haunts you while you sleep, or a move that sucks you in to be tried over and over again. It’s about those moments when someone goes out of their way to tell you how psyched they are about your latest creation (or harass you to create even more). Setting is my therapy. Nights alone at the gym setting after hours are meditative and mentally restorative (sometimes). Head to Metrorock on a Sunday night, lock the doors, throw on some tunes, sift through a giant stack of freshly washed plastic, lay it all out in front of a blank wall, call up my setting buds, and go to town (maybe imbibing an ale or two, shhhhhh). Let the Shenanigans commence.
When boxes of new holds arrive at the gym setters swoon like preteens at a Bieber concert. When these boxes open the scene becomes more like that of the feeding frenzies that fill the screen on Discovery’s Shark Week. Cries of “dibs” pierce the air like raptor shrieks. Plastic bags shred like Watergate files as holds pour to the floor. A new section of wall magically becomes stripped in the blink of an eye. Friendships of years come crashing down like the Hindenburg when an awesome new sloper gets used as a foothold.
For those of you out there who say indoor climbing is only about training for outdoor climbing, SHAME ON YOU. If you believe that and are reading this please go glue some rocks to your living room wall and hang from them every night because you hurt the feelings of my creations. Hearing this statement is like a dagger that cuts through my bold setter’s heart. Yes, indoor climbing is about training, but like all endeavors with climbing it should also be about enjoying yourself. Making friends, gossiping about the latest climbing couple, dreaming of a beer in your hand later, and throwing yourself at the wonderful abominations both I and my fellow setters have slaved to prepare for you. Hearing someone in their silly serious tone denounce indoor climbing boils my blood to a magma state. When you reduce indoor climbing to a chore used to enhance your outdoor feats you leave it sounding a lot less spectacular than it really is and leave passionate setters in pools of tears.
I look forward to what the future holds for me as a setter. It has been a needed outlet for me over these past 5 years. What began as a means of obtaining a free membership, evolved to become a large part of my life. The term “Boofy” Climb has become a permanent entry in the Metrorock dictionary. I have set over a thousand climbs to date, almost of all of which are now but a valued memory. I look forward to a future filled with complaints and compliments, sandbags and softies, setter’s blocks and setter sprees, classic climbs and Choss piles. When its all said and done, my idea of an awesome night is a painstaking, curse filled, chalk clouded assortment of colorful plastic, blasting music, and climbing new creations with some friends, oh and of course, Prana pants.
Vocab for any non climbers
Choss – a steaming pile of crap(in the figurative sense)
Onsite – finishing a climb without falling on your first attempt
Sandbagged climb – not what boobs feel like (silly 40 year old virgin). When the difficulty rating of a climb is lower than what the general public believes it to be.
Soft climb – when the difficulty rating of a climb is higher than what the general public believes it to be
Sloper – a type of climbing hold to be treated like the curves of a voluptuous woman. Don’t hold too tight. Don’t tug greedily. A relaxed grip and some tenderness are all you need.
Setters block – a terrible ailment that strikes all setters. This happens when all moves you come up with are dumb, bland, repetitive, nonsense, and pretty much complete garbage. Usually it’s about now that you get a spinner as well.
Spinner – when the threads on a bolt get stripped and the hold gets stuck on the wall. The mortal enemy of all setters.
