The Climbing Experience down Drunk Drive

It is a well known fact… climbers love beer, wine, liquor, and all forms of the magic potion, ALCOHOL. When ever there is a social event where climbers gather, you can rest assure alcohol will be involved. At some point all climbers will feel the dreaded climbing hangover!!!!

We have all woken up and prayed to the porcelain god crying, oh why did I have to consume so much magic potion last evening, oh why did I ever think Jagerbombs were a good idea, oh shit I'm throwing up, but now I have to poop. This experience is quite a common one among college students from weekends past. Then there is the begging question, how am I going to climb today?!?!?



Inevitably, the weekend warriors biggest weakness can be the hangover, but for climbers this most likely will be the crux of you day. Fail and you will feel the shame of a wasted climbing day in a combination of your bed, the bathroom, and INDOORS . Rise to the occasion, fight your sickness back with coffee, food, exercise and fresh air, and be rewarded with a day of sending like no other. Cause face it everyday is different, its a different date, your a little bit older… common people keep up with me here.

The crux of the morning, getting out of bed.
This seems like the hardest part, but its only the beginning. As you rise to relieve your burdened balder you notice in your stupor… you are still intoxicated. This will lead to a difficult day. You manage to stumble back to your bed. Then a tiny beam of light erupting through your window catches your face and you remember that YOU MUST CLIMB TODAY! Back up, stumbling to your gear stash to pack your bag for the day, but first water. Fill a Nalgene and let at least 1L of water slide into your poison filled stomach. This is step one to recovery. Pack your gear and head for the kitchen. Second, orange juice is a necessity. It has a great amount of sugar to give you a boost of energy and send your body back to life, plus the extra hydration never hurts. Finally, I always choose to make coffee and a bagel. The stimulants in coffee reduce the 4 tons of Mach trucks that are rumbling through your head, and the bagel will give you some carbs for that approach that you are absolutely dreading. Now, here is the key, keep them down. You cannot, whatever you do throw up this set of ingredients, otherwise you will be doomed to a climb-less day.

The nauseating car ride.
Make sure your DD from last night is your driver. You might have to offer him/her sexual favors to get them to drive again, but lets face it, your going to spend the next few hours on the way to the crag trying your hardest to keep what you just ate inside your stomach, and not plaster it to the window next to you. Let someone else drive. If you can, consume more water here, and try to keep in your beer farts. I once drove 3.5 hours to the Gunks from Boston with my buddy blowing rancid PBR farts in my face. My eyes were watering so bad I almost crashed on multiple occasions. Honestly, after we climbed we got back to my car and it still smelled 8 hours later. We had to throw away all the food we brought with us. Beer farts, expensive and horrible.

The approach of DOOM.
When you arrive at the crag you should start to feel the wows of the alcohol begin to release their grip of climb repressing doom. Feeling a bit better before the approach is crucial to your upcoming day. Without this the approach will end you. The approach is going to feel like the Bataan Death March. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bataan_Death_March) When you sweat reeks of PBR and shame, that is when you know things are going well. You are stumbling up the trail, the Mach trucks in your head are driving around your skull like bears on motorcycles inside that metal ball at the circus. Just push through you are going to be ok. Then like an oasis in the desert, you reach the crag!

Once you reach the crag, there is always time for a quick crag nap.

The Climb of hope.
Consume more water and snack on some food now. This will be your final boost before the climbing begins. Make sure you take plenty of water with you for any multi-pitch events and climb!!!!!! After that first pitch you should feel as if the events of last night never happened. Feel the fresh air rush into your lungs as your pump increases, and send. Leave behind the bingeing and climb away your hangover!

You have just succeed where so many have failed. To quote Dean Potter, "… you change to worst scenario into the best scenario, dieing to flying." Climbing away a hangover, could there be a better cure?